That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
