my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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