I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
