I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
