No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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