Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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