ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
