i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
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She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize