im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
