im so drunk with asians
where?
always
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
me + whiskey = a bad person
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
