it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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