I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
well you can't waste a boner
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
