If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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