Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
