So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
