There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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