my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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