Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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