But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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