So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
