When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
