I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
