I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
