nut hugger
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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