So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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