Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize