I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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