Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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