TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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