how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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