My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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