i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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