Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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