haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My ass is underappreciated
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!