a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
