i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
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I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
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I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family