I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.