nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Alive.
So much puke
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
