Duck Duck Cougar?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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