So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
