haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
