did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
