sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
