I'm so fucking centered right now
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
