why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
