You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
