The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
