mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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