Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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