I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
