Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
