put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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