how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
