new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
pray to the hookup gods
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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