my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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