did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
