I will die if light touches me.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
