Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Randomize
