Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
