you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
