I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow