I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
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She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
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Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.