I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life