Midget sex pt 2 tonight
He passed out mid-signature
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?