In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
