I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
