Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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