Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I think my fart just growled at me.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
