I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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