sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
