you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
