it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
