youre lurking in front of me
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
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I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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