I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
