We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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