so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
