he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just found puke in my bra..
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
