Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
