it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
