Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
