Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
