lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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